How Do You Build Resiliency?

Written on 04/19/2022

Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.

Just as we learn how to walk, or ride a bike, or become proficient in our carriers, we can learn the skills that make us more resilient. To start building your resiliency, try out the following strategies:

1. Take the Well-Being Quiz to See How Resilient You Are

Not sure how resilient you are? Take this short well-being quiz, which not only gives you a score on "resilience", it can also help you identify which other skills are most important in helping you improve your happiness and well-being.

2. Practice Mindful Acceptance

Negative emotions exist. Pushing them away or ignoring them does more harm than good, even if we might be tempted to do so. Instead, try acknowledging your emotions and giving them a seat at the table. Maybe you feel bad because no matter what you do you just can not advance in your job. Or maybe you’re frustrated because your romantic partner is always running late. It’s okay to feel your negative emotions. Judging yourself for having these negative emotions, or judging others for their actions, only makes your stress worse. So practicing mindful acceptance and non-judgment is a good start to building resiliency.

3. Observe Your Situation to Increase Your Awareness

We all experience unpleasant situations, often on a daily basis. You may ruminate about a meeting that went poorly, a neighbor who slighted you, or a lack of acknowledgment for something you did for your romantic partner. Resiliency is all about learning how to work through these negative emotions effectively.

To calm these negative emotions, mentally removing yourself from the situation is a helpful way to short-circuit emotional overload. Try to imagine that you’re a fly on the wall, observing your situation from someone else's perspective. How do you see the situation? How do both people look—you and the other person? By cultivating a broader perspective, you’ll often discover that the situation is not as bad as you initially thought it was.

4. Find the Positives in Negative Situations

Finding the positive in negative situations is an especially useful strategy when something happens that just sucks. To begin to change your perspective, learn to .For example, did you get critical feedback on something you did at work? Might you reinterpret this as helpful information for your career growth—an opportunity to learn how to do better next time? The more frequently you challenge yourself to find the positives in negative situations, the easier it will be for your brain to recover from stress and become more resilient.