“I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health.”
- Voltaire

All behaviors manifest a state of mind.  We control, whether we are willing to recognize it or not, our thoughts.  It can be challenging, requiring a commitment to changing how we think about, or view, our world and our place in it.  But it is possible to change how we think, particularly about ourselves.

Choice, and its power, can be applied when we are willing to make the effort required.  Many people I know, when faced with making positive changes to their lives, reported that it required learning to think differently, to develop new ways of communicating their goals to themselves.  It is not my goal to do a deep dive into the concepts of self, rather, my goal is to tell you of my experience in changing how I thought of myself.

Webster’s defines Wellness as, “the quality or state of being healthy in body and mind, especially as the result of deliberate effort.”  They keys for my discussion today are, “healthy in mind” and “deliberate effort.”  Buddha is quoted as having said, “We are what we think, all that we are arises with our thoughts, with our thoughts we make the world.”  Since, as I said earlier, our behaviors manifest our state of mind, negative behaviors, particularly self-destructive ones, strongly indicate negative thinking about ourselves.  To become well, i.e., to change our behaviors, requires we change how we think of ourselves.  I would like to focus today on an age-old technique for ending such internalized negative thinking.

A few years ago, I became self-destructive.  The experiences of 30-plus years of policing in a very active city, combined with multiple combat tours as a Special Forces soldier, had my mental health bucket overflowing.  Rather than seeking help, which I felt was indicative of weakness and out of fear of possibly having my career and reputation tarnished, I tried to fight it on my own.  I had always been a fitness freak so that was one attempted fix, a greater determination for ever increasing levels of fitness (which eventually hurt me but that’s a story for another day).  Along with that came a drive to keep myself, and therefore, my mind, busy, as busy as possible.  So, I took on more and more tasks and commitments, loading my plate ever more full.  Lastly, since sleep was when my personal demons would batter me most, I avoided sleep by reducing the amount of time available for that.

My recipe for success turned into a recipe for failure.  As I got busier, I felt more out of control, so I committed myself to even more tasks, .  My personal stresses rose to higher levels, not less.  Due to lack of sleep, I was, in my own mind, exhibiting worse performance not better. In reality, there was no change and no one noticed.  As I worked out harder, pushed myself for higher improvement, I started getting hurt, which affected my psyche.  It all broke down one day when I found myself within seconds of taking my own life.

Step one, as always, was to admit I had a problem and to realize that a desire to kill myself was NOT a sign of health nor a small issue.  Step two, was to finally realize I couldn’t fix this on my own.  I turned back to my wife, my faith, my comrades, and, most importantly, to trained professionals.  It took a couple of tries until I found a mental health professional who was a good fit for me, but the results were dramatic.  What I found out was my destructive behavior was preceded by negative thoughts.  What we uncovered, which, by the way, is very common in high achievers, was that I had an underlying concept of never being good enough, never measuring up, and, while being highly successful, of actually being a fraud.  That’s what I thought.  I did not like myself and negative thoughts, conscious and subconscious, were driving me to my own demise.  To heal myself, I needed to change how I thought and felt about me.  In order to become well, I needed to like being me.

My therapist gave me a simple exercise to change how I thought of myself.  Since conscious thought creates and drives subconscious thought, he recommended the age-old, tried and true concept of pain aversion to stop negative thinking.  At this level, this concept is non-controversial, simple, and was very effective for me.

I placed an elastic band around my left wrist.  Every time I had a conscious negative thought of myself I snapped it.  The pain was irritating and infuriating.  For the first couple of days, I came close to stopping, thinking it was pointless as I was snapping myself more than 30 times per day.  What I soon came to realize, though, was how pervasive my negative thoughts were.  I was thinking that way all the time!  I had no idea I thought this badly of myself.  That recognition became a powerful catalyst for change.

As the first week ended, I came to realize that it was working.  The number of times I was snapping myself was reducing.  I then, under guidance of my therapist, began replacing the negative thoughts with positive.  At first, after I snapped myself and angrily gritted my teeth at the pain, I would think, “that’s not true,” of the negative thought.  Later, “you suck at this” became “you’re learning.”  “You can do better, slug,” got replaced with “nice job, soldier.”  The effects were amazing.  Life got better, much better.  My internal self-image improved dramatically over time, my outlook changed, my demeanor became more positive, my personal wellness prospered.  Today, I am in a completely different place and have a zest for life, renewed relationships with those dear to me, and am actually more mentally and physically fit than ever.  I don’t need the rubber band anymore.  When I start a negative thought I mentally yell at myself, “STOP.”  It works, and I then reinforce with positive thoughts.

“We are what we think ….,” is true.  So, what do you think of yourself?  Is your self-image positive or negative?  Is it time for a change?  Are your behaviors indicative of negative thinking?  Are you willing to search for and commit to finding what you need to do to adjust your thoughts?  Have you “chosen to be happy because it’s good for your health?”  Are you healthy in mind?

Let’s talk again soon.

Randy Watt is a decorated combat veteran of the War on Terror and is a retired Chief of Police with thirty-seven years of law enforcement experience.  He is the author of One Warrior’s Creed.